I hate being told I cannot do something. To me, being told I can't is somewhat of a dare, egging me on to show the world that I actually can whether or not they have any faith in me. I have managed to successfully thumb my nose at several people who would have me believe that I cannot accomplish much in life by being incredibly successful at many of the tasks I attempt. Unfortunately, when you are someone who tries so hard to prove yourself it is very difficult to finally admit when you may hit a wall.
I have hit that wall.
My ultimate goals with this do-over include:
1) Get well, or at least as well as I can
2) Develop a business so that I can work from home or near home, helping me continue to get well
3) Write and maybe even get money for it at some point
We have great confidence that I will get as well as I can wether it takes a few months or several years. I have never been told that I cannot do this so I continue to be optomistic and work towards that goal.
My third goal, writing, is something that I have already started working towards. This blog is one step - the next is to start seriously looking for magazines to submit articles for. At least I know I can write articles, this is something I have been doing for years and something that the fibromyalgia does not affect.
It is the second goal where I am having issues. I know what I want to do. I know what I want my business to be and how I want it to work. I understand the logistics involved in a business like this. Unfortunately, some of those logistics include product fulfilment a task where my fibromyalgia will severly limit me. Because of this, I have been told I cannot do this business. I want to do it, I want to do it alone, but I have to admit this time the wall is real. I can't do this alone. If I truly want to accomplish this goal, I will need help right from the start which is not the best way to run a start-up.
The first step in overcoming a limitation is admiting it, right? So here it is - I am no longer the strong, active person I was. I can no longer work 18 hours a day then come home and go on a 5 mile walk. I have difficulty walking up and down the stairs. I need to ask for help with planning a meal let alone cooking a full meal. If I do proceed with building the online scrapbook store, I will need the help of friends to accomplish the logistics of fulfilment an inventory because friends will be my first employees.
The one thing I will not admit is defeat. I will accomplish this. I will develop this site, have it built and launch it sometime in 2007. I will start doing something I love. Maybe that will help with the fibromyalgia in the long run.