Its 5 am and I cannot sleep. In fact, I haven't slept in about 2 days most probably because of stress or medicine that no longer works. So as I sit here in the dark listening to my son and husband blissfully snore away, I am reminded of a conversation I had with my best friend just a day or so ago about the story of Job.
Why Job? Why not. It seems incredibly relevant.
My friend lives in New Orleans along with her mother, her boyfriend and a number of other friends of ours. She just moved back to New Orleans after years of living in LA pursuing her dreams - first of education then of living a healthy lifestyle - because she was unable to rebuild her mother's home and her own home in New Orleans without actually being there. Over the past year and a half since Katrina she has gone through so many trials starting with attempting to find her mother after the storm (she called from a shelter in San Antonio about a week after the storm) up to rebuilding two houses in a town that moves slower than the bayou and trying to readjust to living in New Orleans after so many years away. She has seen some very good things, like this past Mardi Gras, and some not so good things like the elderly woman who was trying to rebuild after Katrina being killed by a tornado that ripped the trailer she had been living in for a year and a half apart. But that's just New Orleans.
Then there is me. There is no explanation for why I keep experiencing medical problem on top of medical problem on top of medical problem - but I do. Perhaps this is my Job moment, my opportunity to decide whether I ask "Why me?" or to just accept that this is what I have been dealt, so what am I going to do with it?
A long time ago, my best friend and I had a discussion about how you have to just decide to be happy and I realize now that I did decide quite some time ago to be happy. Even with the medical problems upon medical problems, I am fundamentally a happy person. This does not mean I don't get mad or sometimes question why I have been handed this deck of cards, believe me I do. My basic happiness is that I have a home, a beautiful baby and a husband who is my hero. My basic happiness is that I know I have lived an interesting life and that I have a thousand memories to turn into stories. My basic happiness is that I live in a day and age where I can ask these questions and formulate answer. My basic happiness is that I am me.
So, is this what Job meant by "The Lord givith and the Lord taketh away"? I don't know, but it may have something to do with it.