It has been awhile since I have written anything here. Between trips and illnesses writing has fallen a bit by the wayside, not intentionally of course, just by the nature of things. It is hard to concentrate on writing a blog when your 10 month old is screaming with a 103+ fever. All you really want to do is comfort him and wait out the illness. The good news is that he is much better - no more fevers, no more rash. Just peaceful sleep and smiles.
Not writing, however, is an issue. I write. That is one of the things I do. Its not that I didn't write at all over the past week or so. Rather I wrote privately, describing how utterly frightening it is to have a helpless baby in an ER with an IV in his foot. And yet he stuck to his nature and smiled at all the nurses, flirting with the other patients and bringing smiles everywhere he went. Watching him I realized how much his sunny disposition is part of who he is naturally. We did not teach him how to smile constantly, we did not teach him how to be coy and shy bringing smiles to those around him. It is so easy to see what is natural in him, yet it is difficult to see what is natural in myself.
Writing, this is not natural. Story telling is natural, but writing is a craft that must be practiced. No matter how much I say I am a writer, is that still true even if I don't write a word in a day? I think it is, mostly because I feel as though I am constantly writing in my head- forever telling stories to myself that I will one day write down to share. But again, writing is not natural and I am out of practice. Hopefully that will change soon.
Next week I am meeting with someone who may become a weekly baby-sitter for Sammy which will give me some time during the week to concentrate on some of the goals I have for my do-over this time, namely write. Even if I just start with one time a week I feel that I will have accomplished the first big step in heading towards publication. Editors cannot publish what hasn't been written so I cannot be published if I do not write.
I just have to keep remembering - baby-steps.