Today is Yom Kippur, Day of Atonement. A day when all Jews come together to ask God for forgiveness for any sins they may have committed during the year. Before we can do that, however, we must ask forgiveness of those whom we have offended directly. Its a great strategy - a way to make sure we try to be good and if we cannot we ask forgiveness of man or woman before we can ask it of God.
If I have offended or hurt anyone who reads this blog, please forgive me. It was not intentional.
There is one person that we are not asked to forgive on this list of people whom we have offended before we ask forgiveness of God and that is ourselves. We are never asked to forgive our transgressions to ourselves - maybe because when this ritual was conceived the thought of self transgression did not exist. Whatever the reason - I am sure it is the birthplace of guilt in the Jewish Mother sense.
My best friend yelled at me yesterday - in a good way, we do that more than occasionally - because I tend to beat myself up when I can't physically do what I think I should be able to do. I did too much yesterday and I couldn't finish all I planned to finish, namely cooking a chicken for our family dinner. What I did accomplish - taking my son to a mom's group meeting to play with other kids, going to Target to get my husband a pillow he can sleep on and not hurt his neck, going to Trader Joe's and getting everything for dinner last night and putting together two bags of groceries for donation to local food banks on this day when we are supposed to be fasting. I did too much physically, I couldn't walk for a few hours and yet my mind was working where my body was failing so I beat myself up.
What is good - I could walk again last night after a few hours; I slept last night so my leg is not as bad today; I could eat with my family last night even if it wasn't what I wanted to prepare for this Holy Day. Most of all, that I have a husband who loves me and my son enough to not care that I couldn't make dinner and that I have a best friend who loves me enough to tell me to forgive myself what I cannot help. (Oh - and to STOP TRYING TO DO TOO MUCH!)
I have a good life. I have had a good year. I am blessed.